President George W. (Dubya) Bush will be delivering his State of the Union Address Tuesday Night, January 23, 2007 at 9pm EST.
If you are like me, then the only way you can stomach such an address is to drink up.
Here are the rules for “The State of the Union Drinking Game, Version 2007, Seventh Year of the Dubya:”
Drink Every Time:
-Dubya mentions 9/11.
-Dubya mentions the execution/death of Saddam Hussein.
-Dubya mentions the need to “see this through to the end” with regards to the Iraq War and sending in more troops.
-Dubya squints really hard, furrows his brow, purses his lips, and looks like a chimpanzee.
-Dubya butchers the English language with the mispronunciation of a big word, the missuse of a commonly used word, or the creation of a word that did not previously exist.
-They cut to a shot of Hillary Clinton folding her arms, looking constipated, and even more pissed than when Bill said, “I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky.”
-They cut to a shot of Barack Obama looking thoughtful and pensive.
-They cut to a shot of Condaleeza Rice clapping like the lap dog she is.
-Nancy Pelosi (in the background sitting behind the President) looks very stiff and bug-eyed as she tries to hold back a massive attack of “head shaking” and “oh, no he didn’t” gazes.
-Dick Cheney (also in his place sitting behind the President) appears to be leaning too far to one side and is about to topple over in a heart attack or strain from an evil grimace.
-The Republican (and now minority) side of the House gives Dubya a completely unwarranted standing ovation.
*Surgeon General’s Warning: If you drink too much, you may find yourself in a coma and not awake until 2009 when a Democrat is back in the White House.
Written by David H. Schleicher