CAPTION: Why so serious?
C’mon, dudes. Perk up. It’s not like the economy is in shambles, Americans can’t afford health care, we’re in the midst of a global energy crisis, and we’re stuck in a never-ending military operation in the Middle East with no clear exit strategy…oh, wait, yeah….it is, we can’t, we are, and oh shit.
Well, it’s time to wake the kids, call the neighbors, turn up granny’s hearing aid, put out the party favors, and have yourself an old-fashioned Debate Party — despite the fact that someone wanted to postpone the first one.
With all the “is it on or not?” debate about the first debate, I decided to forge ahead as planned with the hope that there would be no delay. Regardless of when the debate(s) actually happen, you’ll need a drinking game to survive all the political double-speak and subterfuge.
PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE SCHEDULE:
DEBATE NUMBER ONE: Friday, September 26, 2008
MODERATOR: Jim Lehrer from The NewsHour on PBS
FOCUS: Foreign Policy
LOCATION: Old Miss in Oxford, Mississippi
DEBATE NUMBER TWO: Tuesday, October 7, 2008
MODERATOR: Tom Brokaw from NBC News
FOCUS: Town Hall Style Meeting
LOCATION: Belmont University in Nashville, TN
DEBATE NUMBER THREE: Wednesday, October 15, 2008
MODERATOR: Bob Schieffer from CBS News
FOCUS: Domestic Policy and the Economy
LOCATION: Hofstra University in Hempstead, NY
For all you partygoers, here’s your Drinking Game Initiative:
GENERIC RULES THAT SHOULD APPLY TO ANY DEBATE:
TAKE A SHOT:
-When the buzzwords “change” or “maverick” or “hope” are used
-Whenever either one says “fundamental” or “fundamental difference” — added by popular demand through my highly scientific comment form on 10/7/08
-When someone says “I voted for or against” or “He voted for or against”
-When McCain refers to Obama’s “inexperience”
-When McCain stammers and looks like he might have a heart attack
-When McCain somehow works in his personal story as a POW during Vietnam
-When McCain refers to the moderator as “my friend” or the audience as “my friends”
-When Obama somehow works in his personal story of being raised by a single mom and his grandparents
-When Obama makes a smirk, shakes his head, and says, “Look…” as a preface to a statement or follow-up — amended by popular demand to “Look” on 10/8/08
-When Obama makes the case that McCain and Bush are one and the same or uses the phrase “more of the same”
-When Obama says “John McCain is right on this, but…” — added through high-end analysis of reader feedback on 10/8/08
-When anyone brings up “suspending the campaign” — only topical for debate one, and I don’t recall it coming up
-When either one lays claims to being “bipartisan” or working “across the aisle”
-It’s a Social when Sarah Palin is mentioned!
-Finish whatever you are drinking if McCain loses his temper!
ECONOMY SPECIFIC RULES:
TAKE A SHOT:
-When someone mentions the “Bailout” of Wall Street
-When someone mentions Wall Street and Main Street in the same train of thought
-When someone starts quoting dollar figures (for example: 700 billion)
-When someone talks about mortgages/foreclosures/homeowners
FOREIGN POLICY SPECIFIC RULES:
TAKE A SHOT:
-If anyone uses the words “surge” or “victory”
-When anyone mentions a particular nation as being a potential “nuclear” threat
-When McCain talks about Islamic Radicals/Terrorists
-When Georgia and/or Russia are mentioned
-When Iran and/or Iraq are mentioned
-When Afghanistan is mentioned
-It’s a social for al Qaeda or North Korea!
-Finish whatever you are drinking if anyone delivers specifics on how to get out of Iraq “safely and responsibly”.
The Surgeon General strongly recommends heavy drinking up until November 2nd. After that, you better sober up and VOTE on November 4th.
FOR RULES TO THE VICE PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE DRINKING GAME:
Written by David H. Schleicher