Twin Peaks – The Return: Complete Hour by Hour Guide

NOTE TO READERS – These weekly posts are meant to recap what happened (SPOILERS AHEAD) and provide conversation starters for fans to comment and share theories.  Do not read if you have not watched this week’s hour(s) yet.

HOUR FIVE

“The Cow Jumped Over the Moon”

Well, well, well…where to even begin? So much happened in hour five, yet nothing happened…and with a resurgence of “high-hat-jazz” meets “1950’s grunge” music throughout the hour, this was the closest we’ve gotten to traditional Twin Peaks yet…Yet there was that mondo-bizarro Buenos Aries (yes, that’s right, Buenos Aries!) and Buckhorn, South Dakota stuff too!

So what did we learn this hour?

Under the radar character actor Jane Adams’ Buckhorn forensic scientist apparently moonlights as a comedian. “I think the cause of death was his head was chopped off.” And whose head was it? Well, apparently it was someone whose stomach contained a wedding ring engraved by none other than Janey E. Jones!

Back in Rancho Rosa, that sad-eyed kid with the drugged-out mom watches as some morons accidentally torch themselves after setting off the bomb some other morons set underneath Dougie’s car outside the foreclosed house where he had his trysts with Jade. Cue the scene of Jade (the no-nonsense yet somewhat empathetic Nafessa Williams – quickly becoming a sardonically sexy fan favorite) dropping the Great Northern key that magically showed up in Dougie’s pants (and he dropped in her car) into the mailbox.

Meanwhile, Janey E. Jones (a wonderfully exasperated Naomi Watts) is just about losing her patience with her husband, Dougie (who apparently has psychic abilities that tells him his insurance company comrade, an always slimy Tom Sizemore, is lying).  “Ok, Dougie, you’re acting weird as shit,” she tells him while he gets teary eyed looking at his kid. Yeah, our thoughts exactly, Janey…

Oh, oh, oh…we finally get to meet the daughter of Shelly (Madchen Amick)…a perfectly cast Amanda Seyfried, whose loser weirdo boyfriend (an eternally creepy Caleb Landry Jones) gets her high while she transports in her mind to some 1950’s fantasia in his vintage car. All the while, dear Norma (Peggy Lipton) looks on like a mother hen, hugging Shelly and shaking her head, while the wayward teens drive away. All this after we meet the new Sheriff Truman’s frantically mundane wife (Candy Clark, in yet another time period trippy piece of casting by Lynch!).

We also finally learn what Dr. Jacoby (Russ Tamblyn) has been up to with those shovels. Why, they’re “golden shit-digging” shovels he’s hawking on his ranting Podcast…a show watched by both a happily high Jerry Horn and our very own eye-patch wearing favorite wacko-housewife Nadine (Wendy Robie)!

Then there’s the Roadhouse…where Lynch’s own son, Riley, plays in a groovy-trippy band while really bad, bad things go down right in the open (alas, it’s not the friendly music club the first 4 hours lead us to believe).

All the while, Agent Preston (Chrysta Bell) pines for the Agent Cooper we once knew while investigating just what in the Sam Hell is going on here.

Until next week…

Commentary by David H. Schleicher

What say you, fellow Peakers? What were you favorite moments from Hour Five? What shocked you the most?  What made you laugh the most?